After my initial diagnosis, I was scheduled to see many doctors--the first of which was a radiologist who works at the Cancer Care Center of Western New York:
Looks like a nice place, right? It is, except for this:
That's right....it is located directly across the street from a cemetery. Doesn't exactly inspire hope or confidence, just saying. Anyway, they are really quite nice there and explained the radiation procedure very thoroughly--complete with a brief PowerPoint presentation. In every picture, each person was smiling--even the person receiving the radiation treatment and the presentation ended with a photo of a beautiful forest, which compelled me to ask: "so when I'm done, I get to take a walk in the forest?" I was met with a blank stare and then quickly handed a business card.
Then I had to have a bone scan which required that I be injected with some radioactive concoction. I was hoping that afterward I would have the ability to glow in the dark but all my body did was bruise at the injection site and produce hives at an alarming rate. Decidedly less awesome than glowing in the dark.
I have decided to have a double mastectomy with reconstructive surgery. I initially considered having just a lumpectomy (they remove the tumor) and then 4-6 weeks of radiation. This procedure is way less invasive and involves less recovery time. However, if the cancer recurs, I cannot have radiation again nor can I have reconstructive surgery because I have very little body fat. So, because I am not a gambler, I have opted to have both breasts removed and just get on with my life. The following video made my decision a little easier:
Today, I met with two plastic surgeons. The first was a very nice man who sets up shop in an office that smells of cigarette smoke and stale scotch. He very calmly and thoroughly explained the procedure and then reached into his desk drawer and pulled out three old, yellowing ziploc bags. The first contained the expander that they insert into your muscle after removing the breasts and the next two contained a silicon and saline implant. He then explained how the expander attaches itself to the inside of your body. I wish that I could explain the process but I stopped listening after he said the following: "what we do is use CADAVER SKIN... blah, blah, blah." To which I said: "Excuse me?" He laughed and I felt nauseous. I mean, removal of the breast--ok. Scarring--don't really care. Tattooed-on nipples--not my favorite, but I can deal with it. However, I think that I have to draw the line at CADAVER SKIN!! Blech.
Right now I am sitting in my living room-- cell phone beside me--waiting for my surgeon's office to call. They may be able to fit me in for this Friday. Fingers crossed, I would really like to get this over with. I have a Trans Atlantic cruise to go on in about a month and frankly, having cancer is a drag. Overall though, I feel very lucky. It definitely could have been worse, and I have so many friends and family members with terrific senses of humor that I haven't spent too much time feeling down. I'm going to try my best to make the thought of absorbing CADAVER SKIN into my body as hilarious as possible and I guess I am grateful that someone had the foresight to donate their skin so that I can have fake boobs. I will admit that I smiled slightly when I typed that, but I'm still a little nauseous.
...Fingers crossed that I receive that call today...
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